::Dealing With the Past & Moving Forward

As an individual, I am an interesting mix of characteristics. I'm part "people pleaser" & part "who gives a $h!t". I'm a little bit of "lets sweep it under the rug" & "let's scrap right now". Sometimes I'm super confrontational and other times I'm quick to forgive and forget. One thing that has remained constant through many years of me trying to carve my path in life is that I'm a realist to the core. I try to dream, but I'm often brought back down to earth by the reality of the world around me. Do I want everything and everyone around me to be happy, healthy, loving and totally wonderful? Hell yes. Do I think that's a realistic expectation? Hell no. I'd love to be one of those people who has tons of amazing relationships with tons of people in life, but the truth of the matter is that things happen and situations or events come between people...

Up until recently, I had a very heavy heart regarding some serious tension with a person close to me. After almost two years, the situation finally came to head where this person (I'm gonna call this person "X" for carpel tunnel sake) and I had the opportunity to hash out all of the issues and sore spots between us. After several months of lack of communication and not being on speaking terms, we both realized that we thought the problem lie with the other person when it really was within ourselves. The truth of the matter is that if either one of us were to have grown some balls and picked up the phone to fix the problem almost two years prior, we would have saved ourselves several awkward meetings and conversations. Needless to say, we promised to not let things go so long in the future. After a very long and emotional hour on the phone complete with yelling, tears, apologies and affirmations, "X" and I patched up some old wounds and mutually agreed that it was time to take a step forward and begin building our relationship again. I must admit that just as soon as the call ended, I felt this overwhelming sense of relief and freedom from the nastiness that had been brewing between us for so long. 

Although this experience (like most good ones are) was very painful, I learned that it's far less painful to deal with not-so-glam things sooner rather than later for so many reasons. One thing that kills me is that I will never be able to get the time lost between "X" and I back. Who knows what amazing things could have taken place during those months, but because I/we were closed off to the possibilities, I/we probably missed out on some pretty awesome stuff. A huge life lesson that I have learned since having my boys is that many things aren't worth getting upset over, and the things that are worth it end up being far less difficult that I had ever anticipated. I still have "noise" that I need to resolve with a few other important people in my life, however I am making an effort to enjoy every day that I am blessed to spend with the people around, who love and cherish me for all the brokenness that is me.

::Manic Monday (To Say The Least)

HOLY.CRAP!

These two words describe a lot of what the last few weeks have been for DH and I. We have officially crossed into the realm of "parents with two teething babies" and we are not fans of this phase at all. I realize that I have been absent in the last 4-6 weeks, however I feel like I have good reason (not that I need to justify myself). I've been juggling trips, a baptism, friends & family visiting and the daily grind that is my life. 

My poor kids are starting to look like Edward Sissorhands with all the little nicks and cuts on their precious little faces because their finger nails are so long and I haven't been able to catch the opportunity to cut them. Just today, my mom had to help me fold about 6 loads worth of clean laundry that has been sitting on my couch for the last "x" amount of days. Unfortunately for my husband & I, one of our 4 cats enjoys burying herself in the middle of our warm, snugly, clean clothes, so not only are they fresh and clean, they also have a light coat of black cat hair on them... nice accessory! With more of my mom's help, my downstairs carpet finally got a little attention from my vacuum (which incidentally has a layer of dust all it own in the closet). I recognized that my carpet was becoming a problem when my boys, who are now rolling in every direction and rarely do they roll in the same direction, rolled off of their blanket and then smiled at me with a mouth full of cat hair. YUCK! 

I've had good days and bad days since the last time I posted here... I've had many days where I've felt like I needed a Xanax and a shot of Jaegermeister, or maybe just an hour on a therapists couch would suffice. Being a parent is a tough job. It's by far the hardest thing I have ever set out to do in my lifetime...