::Dealing With the Past & Moving Forward

As an individual, I am an interesting mix of characteristics. I'm part "people pleaser" & part "who gives a $h!t". I'm a little bit of "lets sweep it under the rug" & "let's scrap right now". Sometimes I'm super confrontational and other times I'm quick to forgive and forget. One thing that has remained constant through many years of me trying to carve my path in life is that I'm a realist to the core. I try to dream, but I'm often brought back down to earth by the reality of the world around me. Do I want everything and everyone around me to be happy, healthy, loving and totally wonderful? Hell yes. Do I think that's a realistic expectation? Hell no. I'd love to be one of those people who has tons of amazing relationships with tons of people in life, but the truth of the matter is that things happen and situations or events come between people...

Up until recently, I had a very heavy heart regarding some serious tension with a person close to me. After almost two years, the situation finally came to head where this person (I'm gonna call this person "X" for carpel tunnel sake) and I had the opportunity to hash out all of the issues and sore spots between us. After several months of lack of communication and not being on speaking terms, we both realized that we thought the problem lie with the other person when it really was within ourselves. The truth of the matter is that if either one of us were to have grown some balls and picked up the phone to fix the problem almost two years prior, we would have saved ourselves several awkward meetings and conversations. Needless to say, we promised to not let things go so long in the future. After a very long and emotional hour on the phone complete with yelling, tears, apologies and affirmations, "X" and I patched up some old wounds and mutually agreed that it was time to take a step forward and begin building our relationship again. I must admit that just as soon as the call ended, I felt this overwhelming sense of relief and freedom from the nastiness that had been brewing between us for so long. 

Although this experience (like most good ones are) was very painful, I learned that it's far less painful to deal with not-so-glam things sooner rather than later for so many reasons. One thing that kills me is that I will never be able to get the time lost between "X" and I back. Who knows what amazing things could have taken place during those months, but because I/we were closed off to the possibilities, I/we probably missed out on some pretty awesome stuff. A huge life lesson that I have learned since having my boys is that many things aren't worth getting upset over, and the things that are worth it end up being far less difficult that I had ever anticipated. I still have "noise" that I need to resolve with a few other important people in my life, however I am making an effort to enjoy every day that I am blessed to spend with the people around, who love and cherish me for all the brokenness that is me.